Friday, December 11, 2009

It's a Wonderful Life

"Clarence, please! I wanna live again!"

My favorite movie of all time is "It's a Wonderful Life." I can watch it during the blazing heat of July despite the fact that it's a Christmas-y movie. Or at least that's how it has been categorized. Sure, it features a "Christmas miracle" but it really deals with some darker issues - death, disappointment, depression, war, anger, alcoholism, financial ruin...Things we tend to try and not think about at the holidays.

Thinking about George's epiphany at the end of the movie, where he realizes his life isn't so bad after all, has inspired me to do some thinking about my life. I'd love to get in a time machine and go back in time, to right my wrongs and change the outcomes of many things, but like George, I think I need to deal with the cards I've been dealt and be thankful for what I have. "Coulda, shoulda, woulda" can kill you, if you let it. 

Maybe I need to live like Ebeneezer Scrooge, the morning after seeing his past, present, and future. I know the mistakes I've made in my past, I'm well aware of what my present situation is, and I really thought I knew what my future held. But I guess the future is in my hands now. It's almost funny how fast your world can come crashing down around you. I watched a special on tsunamis a few weeks ago...where the sea goes from calm to being a deadly, life swallowing, landscape-altering beast. I feel like that's what has happened to me in the past week. It's actually pretty crazy. I thought I knew where I was going to live, who I was going to marry, and how my life was going to play out, but without my consent, that's all changed.

I didn't hear any bell ringing, but perhaps there was an angel guiding me to see what's most important in my life. I have a mother who would do anything to see me happy. I have friends who will read my long-winded emails (and blog posts), respond to my texts of woe, and will indulge in gluttony, all for the sake of making me feel better. I have a job that I love, with incredibly caring co-workers. I'm healthy and strong. I get to work with a fantastic animal rescue that improves the lives of hundreds of people and furry little people every year. I could continue on...but I think you get my point. I'm at a crossroads where I can focus on the negative - being heartbroken, homeless, and divorced from a family that I really cared about - or the aforementioned positive aspects. I know I need to grieve the loss of my best friend, my cheerleader, and the person who really was my everything, but I also know that focusing on the positive will help get me through this difficult time.

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