Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Vegetarian Non-Beer Drinker's Review of Buckeye Beer Engine

This one time, a vegetarian walked into a place called Buckeye Beer Engine.  Said vegetarian does not eat burgers or drink beer.  Vegetarian should have high tailed it down the street to The Root Cafe for some grub. 

In all seriousness, though, I'd been looking forward to checking out Buckeye Beer Engine.  It's known for being vegetarian friendly (the menu clearly labels vegetarian items, for the most part - Caesar salad will never be vegetarian) and is in the land of great restaurants  -Lakewood - so I figured it couldn't be too bad.

My boyfriend and I dropped in on Opening Day, decked out in Tribe gear.  (which was kind of silly because I don't give a whut about baseball and we weren't actually going to the game - our server was really confused)  We'd hoped to grab a beverage or two and had waffled over whether or not to go to Deagan's or try something new, but new won out.  As soon as I stepped in the door, I realized this would not be the kind of place I'd be drinking at.  It's a beer lover's paradise.  Which is awesome for some people, I'm sure.  For me, it left me sipping an ice water. (in their defense, they do have non-beer, but I got the impression no one really knew how to mix it - it's my own fault for being a priss, I know) 

Starving, we ordered the "vegetarian friendly" (ahem) fried pickles and mushrooms.  I generally like deep fried anything (especially pickles), and I thought the pickles were a slam dunk but the mushrooms tasted funky.  Like, these mushrooms are too old to deep fry funky.  But we ate them because we were starving.

I ordered a portabella cap for my meal.  It came on a regular old burger bun and had goat cheese and roasted red peppers on it.  It was not that great.  I ate two bites and all of the fries on the plate.  At least the fries were good?  I'm sure they have great veggie burgers, but I prefer my veggie burgers without a side of meat juice from the grill on them.  (shout out to my ex-boyfriend K, who pointed this out to me, mainly to be mean and to make me starve when we went out to the meat palaces he liked to frequent)

My boyfriend ordered the cyclops?  I think it came with an egg on it?  He fancies himself an excellent burger chef, so he was a little underwhelmed.  Although in BBE's defense, I'm not sure I've ever seen my boyfriend enjoy a burger at a restaurant. 

My stomach punished me later for this greasy meal.  Fried anything plus a 6 mile run equals agony.  I need to remember to wait to eat fried goodness until after running, apparently.  And I need to remember that I'm glad that I went to this restaurant once, but I probably don't need to go back unless I start drinking beer or burgers.  You'll see me riding down the street on my unicorn before that happens.

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